Men Of The Hood

     I hate it, but sometimes success happens in spite of any effort on my part.  I don't hate it because I desire accolades; although recognition can be a form of motivation.  They say, "Success breeds success".  I desire to be a part of the success towards growth, and so I hate it when I'm not.  I love positive influence.  I hate it when I screw up an opportunity to make a difference.  It's one thing to screw up when I'm oblivious to what I'm doing or what's happening around me.  It's another thing to screw up when I know what I'm doing but can't seem to help myself.  I don't believe it's due to arrogance or indifference.  I do care.  I think it's simply stubbornness; and that's coming from someone who is generally helpful and kind spirited.  Perhaps it's stubbornness born of a competitive spirit.  Perhaps it's the threat of change.  Regardless, I'm that man too sometimes; and when I am, I hate it.  I want to be influential in being a small part of someone else's success "because of" what I did, rather than "in spite" of what I contributed. (The Apostle Paul spoke of these very same feelings in Romans 7:14-25 in the Bible.)

     These thoughts led me to read Raising a Modern Day Knight by Robert Lewis for the first time in 2006.  My son, Todd, was 9 years old at the time.  As a father I wanted to do "this Dad thing" right.  Going into his senior year of high school this school year I have sometimes had a hard time differentiating or discerning between who he has become and what role I have played in that.  Maybe it's not an "either/or".  Maybe it's a combination of many factors.  It's these things that excite me when I see my son.  It's these things that haunt me when I see myself.

     I think that is why my friend, Mark, and I reread Lewis's book together last summer (2014).  It gave us a chance to dialogue and talk about important things, family things, life things.  Reading the book helped us see how we were raised by our own fathers, how we are loved by our heavenly Father, and how we are living as fathers.  While reading the book we gleaned information and coupled that from what we had learned from John Eldredge's book, Wild at Heart.  Mark and I began to plan a time where we could bring our sons together to talk about life and especially life as a young man.  Robert Lewis had written, "Manhood ceremonies have, in fact, become a lost art form.  And sons have lost these powerful, life-changing moments where, in the presence of Dad and other men, they can mark either their progress toward or passage into manhood."

     In 2009, together with my own Dad, my brother-in-law Jim, my brother-in-law

Kevin, his son Pierce, and my son Todd, we took a backpacking trip into Newport State Park in Door County, Wisconsin.  It was a ceremony to initiate the transition from boyhood into adolescence.  The weekend was highlighted by all of us coming together to "Count Coup" as we waded into the shallows of Lake Michigan and tagged massive carp that had come up into the bay.  It was successful because we planned out our purpose, and strategy, and worked as one unit.  We related this, in Biblical application, to a young David who chose to come close and undetected up to King Saul but left him unharmed (1 Samuel 24 & 26).

     Last fall, Mark and I wanted to recognize the transition from being an adolescent into being a young man.  We brainstormed ideas, fought through the walls that held us back (doubt, time, broken hand, and weather) and settled on a weekend camping trip together in September.  We scheduled the couple of days to include both planned opportunities for talking about manhood as well as times for spontaneity.  We wanted

to be intentional about our purpose, while allowing for the Spirit's leading in regard to adventure and teachable moments.  We set up camp, hiked, talked, hiked again, cooked food, and hunkered down to sleep in extremely cold temperatures.  We also tried fishing, but in windy, white-capped conditions we went rock climbing instead.  It was memorable.  It was applicable.  We used as our focus the concept of a "Vision for Manhood"; someone who rejects passivity, accepts responsibility, leads courageously, and expects God's greater reward.  To guide this vision we used a "Code of Conduct" involving three aspects.  Number one was, "A

Battle to Fight"; having spiritual truth, being a Godly example, sharing stories, having affirmation and discipline.  Another was, "An Adventure to Live"; this involved work, our profession, giftedness, dreams, and design.  Lastly was, "A Beauty to Rescue"; this code related to love, honor, generosity, chivalry, and being gallant.  Both Garret and Todd have known each other since they were wee lads, so it was cool to witness them sharing that experience together.

     Today Mark, Garret, Todd and I got together again.  It had been six months since our "Manhood Outing".  Although we weren't as specific in mapping out the vision and

code this time, we did talk about life in the form of school, classes, friends, and activities.  It was a good chance to reconnect and enjoy a good morning together.  The outing was centered around hiking and cooking over an open fire.  It's hard to go wrong under those circumstances.  Still, it was instrumental, for me at least, to see growth and change in our boys.  

     When I get down on myself, or only see my failures in how I am as a Dad, I can look back at these marked experiences.  I may hate when I screw up by saying or doing the wrong thing.  I may hate when I worry about what kind of legacy I'm leaving or traits I'm passing on.  But if I'm practicing what I'm preaching, that vision and that code apply to me too.  Becoming a real man isn't simply when you move from high school into college, the service or a career; it's for life.  Thank you God; because you modeled grace, mercy, forgiveness and love it allows me to be a positive influence.  This influence is not in spite of me, but because of what you do through me.

See you along The Way...